A Note from Jill Briscoe

Dear Friends,

Shortly after becoming a ministry wife, I found myself in a church meeting
where my husband was the object of criticism. He sat there quietly, offering
absolutely no defense. "Why doesn't he say something?" I wondered
desperately.

After a few more arrows aimed in his direction, I said to myself, "well,
if he isn't going to defend himself, I guess that is what a good Christian wife
is for."

I rose to my feet, made an impassioned, one-minute speech, burst into tears,
and rushed from the auditorium! Since that traumatic event, I have done a little
better at handling criticism and difficult people. (That wouldn't be hard, I
can hear you say!)

It's difficult when people criticize you, but it's worse when they get after
your husband or family. Sometimes church members don't want to confront the
pastor, but feel they can pass on thier complaints via the pastor's wife because
she isn't so intimidating.

Criticism takes on many forms. "He's too deep," saysone. "He's
too shallow," says the next. "He's too dull. My Kids are bored,"
confides another. Do they expect you to say, "Oh, I agree, Mrs. Smith?
He bores me to pieces too?"

Sometimes when i'm listening to someone criticizing my husband, I think to
myself, "Has this person forgotten I'm married to the man? How would she
feel if I drew her aside by the coat racks to tell her I felt her husband really
should smarten up his appearance?"

How do we handle such encounters with difficult people? Perhaps we leap to
our beloved's defense or cut the person off in mid-complaint. I usually feel
quite sick or produce a headache within a half hour of such an episode. AFter
thirty years, I still wrestle with the unfairness of it all.

No matter what our position or function in the church body, all of us have
to deal with difficult people. It's all Eve's fault!

But it does no good blaiming her for the awkward people we have to cope with
in our lives and ministry. After all, all we need to do is look in the mirror
to see evidence of our own Eve-ness too! So what's the answer in dealing with
difficult people? Maybe an acrostic using the word difficult will help.

Deliberately go out of your way to make friends with difficult people.
It's amazing what friendships can do. Most difficult people are lonely.

Investigate what the Bible says about the problem, then apply the truth
you learn.

Forgive them for being difficult.

Forgive them again!

Intercede for them. It's hard to be irritated with someone when you're
in the presence of God.

Confront the difficulty and try to talk with them about ti. A third
party may help to referee if necessary.

Understand "why" the person is behaving like he or she is.

Love them practically. Do something for them they don't deserve.

Thank God dialy for the difficult people in your life. Praise changes
relationships. You'll see!

I hope the chapters in this book will help you as you better deal with the
difficult people in your lives. I have to go now as I have an appointment with
someone who wants to see me. She says, "She finds me a really difficult
person!" Help Lord!

In His Joy,

Jill Briscoe